Waking Finnegan

“We are such stuff as dreams are made of, and our whole life is rounded with a sleep” ~ Shakespeare

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Location: zurich, Switzerland

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Halifax Dream

The Halifax room is the same doily-patterned one of of my NSCAD lodger days. Landlady M is around somewhere but unseen. I know now, just like I knew then, that she's watching me like a kindly but venomous snake. Big weather happening outside the bay window. Atomic clouds.

I'm lounging in her forbidden lazy chair with my cat Snacks in lap. While kneading her claws, she suddenly fishhooks a klacker through my shorts. I bolt back, with her still-hooked claw clinging to the bait. "Shhh, it's ok, just caaalm down". An odd pain, which is at once sharp and dull like an injection, has me visualizing horrible massive hydrocoele-sized testes like the ones I cringed at in those high school educational films about Papua New Guinea. DISEASE. This will be luggage I'll have to cart around in a wheelbarrow for the rest of my days. "I've got to call a doctor asap".

Now her tail's twitching like a hair-trigger, so I'm making sure I've got her firmly by the scruff. "It's ok, shhhhh, yeeess....shhhhh". Working delicately, I finally manage to un-clasp her claw. The little hole she leaves in me starts winking and blinking, then jerky aerosols spatter out like a nearly-spent can of spray. She's holding down, then releasing her paw over the hole, and I can see she's about to pounce. As I start letting her go, she takes it as a sign to bolt-and-scoot under the table. Now she's hidden among the stacks of old books propping up the table. My cell phone starts ringing, resounding with a tube-amp stereo sound. Big foghorn blues. But where is it? Is this Mrs. M calling to confirm my demise---has she been responsible for all this?

I head over to the byzantine bathroom for some first aid. After knocking over bottled tinctures and tubed unguents, I twist off the lid of a tiny and nearly empty jar of Vaseline---my fingertips can't quite get at the residual jelly at the bottom, so I'm foraging through mysteriously labeled drawers inside the bathroom cabinet. I'm looking for something that'll fish out the jelly. Sifting through kitchen drawers of meat mallets, sifters, chicken tongs, and cleaving knives, I finally come across a tiny spatula. I feel a huge relief wash over me. I know that I'll be able to plug the sack and stave off those massive sacs.

While I'm shoving the rubber paddle to squeeze past the little jar opening, the cell phone rings again---this time with the retro-ring tone of my Zürich phone. I can hear it somewhere under the dining room table, which is now epic in size and on top of which is a geometrically arranged stack of metal printing type looking like a pyrite Babylon. Over by the bay window I see Snacks in her pure cat bliss, batting around a little pile of dust bunnies.


Blogger Perfect Virgo said...

The atomic clouds gathering outside the window and the giant snake bring an early and deep sense of foreboding to this dream Finnegan. Yet the cat makes all seem furry and comfortable - until the 'klacker' bites!

From there all hell is let loose and giant Papua New Guinea wheelbarrow bollocks seem entirely natural. The pace is frantic - this was surely a nightmare? Snacks pouncing on squirting bodily fluids and stray phones ringing everywhere.

This is the sort of dream where a ringing bell blasts you awake and you realise the entire episode took place in the split second the bell first rang. I loved the final image of pussy pawing dust bunnies. It calmed my frayed nerves.

9:34 PM  
Blogger Grafxgurl said...

hmmmmmmmm..eeeeenteresting...wonder what it all means... mebbe some girls gonna wack you one soon.. lol so stay at home and keep mace in your wallet!!

5:30 AM  
Blogger finnegan said...

The comments you leave are like professional reviews.
"Pussy pawing dust bunnies" sounds even better than my description---for the fact that it does a better job of calming. Pussies aren't always a calming influence.

The "vulnerables"---my newly coined disease---surfaces whenever I read about medical horrors. I've had three nights in a row of this sort of stuff. Interestingly enough, my cat has been sleeping in "crotch valley" the whole time.

-Only in dreams. Otherwise it'll be the frau who's gonna do the whacking.
-If I misfire the mace in the wrong place, my nightmare will become a reality.

6:33 AM  
Blogger Perfect Virgo said...

Agreed, but cats mostly are.

I see the influence on your dream then. Readng horror and snoozing with a cat - a potent combination indeed...

8:09 AM  
Blogger finnegan said...

P.V.: "Nice kitty you got there."
Finn: "Yes, I agree"
P.V.: "Does she bite?"
Finn: "Only when you neglect her".

8:25 AM  
Blogger . : A : . said...

Fascinating term - "byzantine bathroom"

1:57 PM  
Blogger gulnaz said...

:) will refrain frm commenting on this one except that i love the image of kitty batting around dust bunnies!

2:31 PM  
Blogger gulnaz said...

btw, i love the lil wheelbarron in red!

2:44 PM  
Blogger Zataod said...

We have 2 cats and try to make it a regular routine to trim their claws. After reading your account, I'm more determined than ever to keep their claws well trimmed.

3:18 PM  
Blogger finnegan said...

Tiled and loaded with reflections and potions.

I can't imagine what you're refraining from commenting on! Ahem. Actually this is mild compared to what I could post here. Maybe I should set up variously rated sites....or not. Glad you liked the bunny-kitty mix.

gulnaz again
Until you realize what it's for.

It's a reasonable thing to do actually. Kitty claws can kutt.

5:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is hilariously odd. I was emotionally conflicted, which is an interesting way to read.

The dust bunnies at the end threw me completely; made me go back again.

5:57 PM  
Blogger floots said...

I'm glad my cat isn't watching me. Don't want to give her ideas.
This was a strangely disconcerting piece. Gave me the ole scrtum-tightening phantom pain. (Still, you could say it had sacs appeal.)

8:41 PM  
Blogger floots said...

P.S. Sorry about the spelling error. Must be a fear-induced typo!

8:42 PM  
Blogger finnegan said...

Sacs appeal?! bar har har!
Or you could say that she was just "fiddlin'" in order to ultimately get at the baritone sacs.

floots again
The scrtum-tightening typo was just that---tightened.
It's nearly onomatopoeic when you utter it through your sacs. Ok, enough of this jive.

9:39 PM  
Anonymous bob Anderson said...

Link image looks fine. Should use some
"Parir-O-Dice" text, your choice.



3:39 AM  
Blogger transience said...

sacs and pussies are order of the day. your cat snacks is a much better version of my boredom, though.

3:41 AM  
Blogger finnegan said...

bob anderson
Will do on the weekend, Bob. (:)-P

your boredom really sacs.

6:51 AM  
Blogger Extempore said...

Atomic clouds... byzantine bathrooms - utterly lovely! :)

2:59 PM  
Blogger Dr. Charles said...

wow - this may be my favorite yet. the imagery is stunningly wicked, and i'm left cringing but leaning forward into the computer screen wanting more. Awesome.

10:10 PM  
Blogger luz de la luna said...

As mentioned, "atomic clouds" is a great description. This seems like a very freaky nightmare! The combination of the fluffy kitten with all the freaky scary elements is a strange and disturbing one!

- Martin

12:08 AM  
Blogger . : A : . said...

Yes it is!

3:13 AM  
Blogger Cocaine Jesus said...

atomic clouds that fester outside your window.
giant snakes coiling and uncoiling.
gonads the size of king kongs, so big that you need a wheelbarrow to ferry 'em about.
slow down son, slow down.
so fast. can't keep up.
doily patterned rooms. cat claws that spike you like syringe needles. hair trigger cats tails.
love the line that contains 'byzantine bathroom' (where the hell did that one come from then eh? - excellent).

this one has it all and on amphetimine double time too.

stroll on and take a bow.

9:03 PM  
Blogger finnegan said...

Muchas gracias und danke viel mal.

Much appreciated. Be careful about leaning in too far without your glasses for protection.

Luz de la Luna
Fluffy clouds---atomic cat---byzantine luggage---Vaseline aerosols...

thanks again, .:a:.

10:21 PM  
Blogger finnegan said...

cocaine jesus
..."where the hell did that one come from then eh?"
The byzantine bathroom sprang mainly out of this here formula:

Did that help any, Jesus?

10:34 PM  
Blogger Queen Neetee said...

Though I've not the equipment to fully imagine the scope of the pain, your adventure led me at least to its brink.
I think I'll make this claw clipping night for my girls Calli and Coco.

12:21 AM  
Blogger finnegan said...

queen neetee
If my cat were named *coco*, this would have been a reflection on coconuts.

12:40 AM  
Blogger superflywebpimp said...

from whence comes this whipping wind and rain that doth carry my name in such hushed whispers? in darkened corners of thy net's cramped edges do i find thee, huddling in quiet comment boxes of theory and wonder. nay! nay i say to you, such kind words of "the paragraph novels" have not gone unnoticed, nor will such good deeds go unrewarded. for in the next life, may ye all be cloaked in full-length gerbil coats, and feet laced with rollerskates of gold.

genius author of the paragraphnovels

12:44 AM  
Blogger Patry Francis said...

You are so convincing that I always start your dreams thinking they're real--right down to the atomic clouds, the snakelike landlady. As if I'm dreaming you with them, I accept the bizarre sequence of events until I snap awake with the revelation. "Ah, it was only a dream!"

7:04 AM  
Blogger _Soulless_ said...

This will be luggage I'll have to cart around in a wheelbarrow for the rest of my days.

Or you can waddle around with a matching strut. Curiously bowlegged with a sling from shoulder to crotch. Ooh, snug. Ahahahahaha...

She's holding down, then releasing her paw over the hole, and I can see she's about to pounce.

I was just thinking... You could cut the narrative here, thus making it more suspense-filled... Then again, I would've had a heart attack. ^_^

Gotta say, this dream might just take the place of the June 12 entry (gay Russell Crowe in the bathroom) as my ultra-fave. Teeheehee.

10:48 AM  
Blogger finnegan said...

"...for in the next life, may ye all be cloaked in full-length gerbil coats, and feet laced with rollerskates of gold."

I believe the look would suit me. I will be auditioning for: "Superman Returns from the Night of the Living Dead". The gerbil coat and golden rollerskates should go a long way towards defending us from wevils.

Patry Francis
Here's something I found: "Baudrillard's basic definition of hyperreality is the simulation of something that never really existed. Eco's definition is the "Authentic Fake." So it is a sign, a symbol, a representation, that only stands for itself. They seem to be saying that by it's very existence, the hyperreal eradicates the real. That if a simulation can be that convincing, with no origin in reality, then how do you distinguish the two? And if you can't distinguish them, then how can you define reality at all? It's quite a circular logic really, quite dependant on itself for it's own existence.

In dream recall the surreal and hyperreal are often indistinguishable.

11:41 AM  
Blogger finnegan said...

Yes, we could call it the "Samsonite Strut" or the "Wheelbarrow wiggle".

I agree completely about cutting the narrative for the sake of suspense, but it was memorable!

11:49 AM  
Anonymous Anil said...

is it only me or haven't your dreams been turning more darker and surreal by the day? what do you imbibe the night before..a load of sleep inducing barbs or are you drinking potent dream-creation 'cock'tails (pun intended)?!!

...but as usual I'm caught in the momentary nirvana like speed-rush of your dreams, riding on their speeding contrails like a vicarious air-surfer....caught in the whiplash of your crisp prose...

3:33 PM  
Blogger finnegan said...

"...is it only me or haven't your dreams been turning more darker and surreal by the day?

Not really. I simply decide which ones to work on. It seems the ooky ones are what folks most enjoy reading. I could work through more of them, but so many are so much convoluted personal flotsam or else randy to such a degree that I'd probably need therapeutic counseling.

..."or are you drinking potent dream-creation 'cock'tails (pun intended)?!!

Hehe, fortunately this one only needed "high-balls" rather than "cock" tails.

Thanks for your terrific review Anil. I really appreciate your unique thoughts as well as your wonderful writing.

8:46 PM  
Blogger Cocaine Jesus said...


hmmmm. i think that you have made a mistake here. it should read thuswise. . .
xk+1=xk2 +CJ

OK? Got it?

11:31 AM  
Blogger finnegan said...


Damn, you got me. I should have seen what was so obvious. I'm heading to the store right now to pick up a clue,
which are being sold in bulk for cheap.

2:07 PM  
Blogger just sayin' said...

OK, I will admit that the photograph intrigued me, forced me to read and find out what exactly it was a picture of since I couldn't recognize the object. At first I thought it was something to remove ashes from a fireplace. I had nothing to compare the size with.

Then when you said wheelbarrow and spoke of carting luggage around for the rest of your days, I remembered laughing at my college biology teacher (who was consumed by explaining in great detail the sex life of every single creature we discussed) on the day he told the class of a disease he called Elephantitus and showed us a photograph of a man pushing his scrotum around in a wheelbarrow.

It being mostly a female college, the roaring laughter emanating from the classroom was enough to make the gardener knock on the door to make sure everything was alright.

Thanks for the memory.

4:22 PM  
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