Waking Finnegan

“We are such stuff as dreams are made of, and our whole life is rounded with a sleep” ~ Shakespeare

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Location: zurich, Switzerland

Thursday, November 11, 2004

November 11, 2004

Roadworking scrapers careening along desert road not fixed in parts. Dark with no signs and no highway lights but I can make out their shapes from some moonlight somewhere but no moon. Standing with no jacket. Cold.
Tires like tank treads elongated but still rolling somehow. Dusty now and throat dry. Need water. See a pool but looking closely see it's covered with oily prismatic sheen like a tanker slick. Tanks and tankers. Menacing vehicles.

Typing at a keyboard on strange metal computer--not my Mac but not PC. Keys gummy-sticking and holding single strokes to produceeeeeee reppppppetitions can't stop it. Buzzing, clicking sounds emanating. Shut down by pulling plug not on/off button. Large warning in red flashing danger warning. Machine hot to the touch and now smoking. Running out with our adopted cat Ignatz she's protesting and afraid--scratches me badly. No blood but white streaks opened on arms like before blood flow begins.

LAX terminal but more like Burbank too small and not enough people--worker tells me the change is terrorist related and I'm screaming 'you dumb fucks whyareyoudoingthis to everyone it's all a scare tactic don't believe these creeps!' Everyone stares and big beefy redneck football player scary-slits for eyes stands up to me and I feel dwarfed. He yells 'Gonna kill you now, it's time to die--that was my father riding in the tanks commanding as you saw it in the desert, and it was your omen'. I run and cops all around but they don't notice me. I have on the sort of mask children wear on Halloween--cheap and with factory plastic odor--I put my tongue through the mouth breathing hole too small and it gets caught so I yank it off and tongue cuts.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

November 10, 2004

Jousting with worms wriggling and seeping--no sounds local but sonic booms far off in the distance. Can see older LA with the liquid nitrogen sky entrails like something pulled from a science lab glowing so beautifully better than any 'natural' rainbow even the double and triple ones I saw in Hawaii Honolulu in '72.

Next turns fingergrips not holding onto handlebars and sliding while riding too fast down curvatured Griffith Park dried out parched landscape with prismatic succulent baby blooms rushing by--the bottom at Crystal Springs never arrives--Batman caves from the TV program I see Robin's skeleton with his clothing torn up Batman I think raped and killed him no good for TV children watching I think. Bad smells and someone's still in the cave and so I leave not being anymore in the same cave I'm now back in Zurich, which tethers me to a hot and cold memory bank LA is Pacific warm and no seasonal shocks to know where you are like here with the colors and leaves dying into grey and colder interior feelings rustling.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

November 9, 2004

Usquebaugh smells wafting standing outside smoke on a twilight gloam--lesser light than last time--feeling my bare feet in peatysod crusty at edges, no feeling of a stable earthlink--'No more Sid' my mom says...'no more body it's gone, wheredhego?' 'Getting dark', I say. 'Better go inside'.

Gone. No one standing there. No mom. Crow sounds and now ice. 'I don't remember it snowing in LA ever before this can't be LA it must be New England because I saw the maples with sap frozen runnelled. Freeway sounds muffled but a din anyway--feeling extremely sad about the city of frozenangels and freeways.

Home. Body. Make yourself at home. No place like home. There's no body home. Any body home? Nobody not somebody. My mind tries to stop this game but it keepsongoing with 'home' as the fulcrum and 'body' as McGuffin.

Leftover dinner dishes not cleaned and I freak cause the plates crusted glued with food and padscrubbers not enough and hot water burns me and dishes drop but much heavier thudding noisy. Careful of not cutting and place them neatly in big-to-small sizes on the floor sculpturally with colored food particles and caked smears like painted accents. Thinking how this would be as good as any ever made, but then don't care and toss it outside on the street. Dogs come running up and sniff but 'No food' I yell.

Monday, November 08, 2004

November 8, 2004

Tankheavy semis spliced with small cheap car vulnerable drive-in-between freeway my bad steering wheel w/half broken axle troubled slipshod greasewater raining cant-see highway. no noise. emptly begging mercy with pawn junker about my worthless 'who-gives-a-fuck aboutit valuables.

Records scratching deep vinyl groove-lanes on the discograph so sad this record. As my stepfather lay dying no more NewYork patois patter from long ago forgotten jokes not funny no more but sad instead. Someone tries telling me about the overflow on my wineglass clink clink 'no more wine' I said my bad. Should've been watching now head swollen and rotten falling in and out of sleep--pissing and spinning. More vinyl. No sound.

Tapping pen on my desk for more fluidity but nothing coming out only scratching spine gratings. Writing notes on white table for memories long gone.

November 7, 2004

found beach pebblerock small verydark smooth eggshell crackled--slip-dropped it and picked up next rock lighter than last tried tossing but it broke...finger grasping too-tight knees hurting feet too cant see dont know why strange light twilight and so dark not ocean-like before but forest now

sitting at computer keys not right screen dim blotched 'apple'd better fix this' i think but worse when seeing it not be mac but windoze with viral worms crawling under plastified screen bigger-than should-be pixels hinge squeaking can't cover and click lid what the fuck is wrong here shit keyboard keys not typing homework final essay due at school many years ago by dead teacher no more eating breathing pooping for her anymore

clockalarm far distant my handarms not functioning numbed by pressure cant turn off beepbeepbeep beepbeepbeep finally open eyes-see dark still no longer daylight savings too dark in the morning but sunday thank god i'm going back to sleep to get idea for dreamblog